A client – I will call them Lee – was telling me about how bad their weekend was, with a negative family interaction prompting a negative personal reaction to it. I am being purposefully vague about the details because not only don’t they matter per se, but confidentiality.
Anyhow Lee felt they had made no progress because here they are, right back in the slump, having to start all over again. Lee felt that everything was bad, bad, bad. They listed their faults in great detail, lamenting that they would never improve.
I listened for a while and then asked if this is how they would have responded to the crisis 6 months ago. Lee started to say yes, hence their slump … when they paused, and admitted that a number of things had gone different this time over previous. I asked what those differences were and my client began to list quite a few. I asked why they were different and Lee admitted that they had made different choices because of the therapy opening up different options, that they were able to see some of the patterns as they evolved and paused long enough to not react, but rather act.
So, not the same slump?
It just felt that way at the time, because of that similar negative reaction. Even here, though, Lee admitted it wasn’t as bad, and lasted nowhere near as long. So even this was different.
I drew a diagram on the whiteboard (I use a lot of visual diagrams) of a valley going up a hill, then a small dip in the hill and up again, to another dip, before finally peaking at the top of the hill.
I pointed out that 6 months ago they were in the valley, now they are in the first dip. From the bottom of the dip, it looks like a valley, but when we pause to look at that bottom trough and compare it to before, it is quite different, despite looking and feeling the same at face value.
So be careful not to mistake feeling like you’ve made no progress for actually making no progress.
Anyway, I was looking at the board today before erasing it and thought I would share.