Look at this moment.
In this moment you can act, whether that act is to think, to do or to wait.
This is the time when you can consider your past, not to feel guilt, shame or other justifications for self-abuse, but to learn from it. That is all that the past is really good for, to tell you what worked and what didn’t, to remind you of what you like and what you don’t. It is there to inform you about what you want your future to contain.
Consider your future. If you don’t like what you see, then perhaps you should consider making changes now that will affect that future.
Are you seeing your future clearly? Is this what you want? If what you want is based on someone else’s choice, then you aren’t seeing your future, you are trying to see theirs. If I see my future as the new husband of some person, then my future relies on them and how I see them. Often we don’t see people for who they really are. Instead consider, what is it that I like about that person (whether it is real or not doesn’t actually matter), and what kind of person do I want to be such that a person like that will want me. We have now removed the specific person and substituted it with the ideal type of person.
Do I like this hypothetical person? Is this who I want to be? If not, then perhaps I need to re-examine my perspective on this. If so, then what changes do I need to make now to head in that direction? What changes do I need to maintain to keep this person I am growing into stable and achievable? Make those choices, and then make those changes.
We can all make changes to our future by making changes in our present. What is hard is keeping those changes going and not sliding back into the habits of who we have been.